Tyler Fugazzie

Here are five possible scenarios for the apocalypse: 

1. We learn our orbit is changing and Earth is toiletbowling into the Sun. Climate change is real yet temporary because the student will be incinerated by the master. 

2. Paul Studebaker, an accountant working in Des Moines, forgets to remove his bananas from the company fridge. These rotting bananas combine with some chemicals from the office air to cause an explosion equivalent to 8,000 nuclear explosions.

3. China, Russia, the United States, the U.K., the Netherlands, and Canada all begin feuding over a disputed piece of Arctic land. This awakens Ictfred, a troubled ice spirit who is a murderous cunt and doesn’t go back to sleep until it kills every living being on Earth.

4. An alien civilization of giant partying entities spills rancid alcohol on the Milky Way Galaxy. 

5. Jesus returns to Iraq, walks into a nondescript building, goes into the basement, finds a device that looks like an old fax machine, and unplugs it from the wall. This ends the Simulator X.2 as Jesus records particular vitals such as number of James Blunt fanatics produced and amount of time passed before the enchilada was discovered.