How JP Morgan Became So Rich

JP Morgan: Good morning gentleman.
JP Morgan Jr. 1: Good morning!
JP Morgan Jr. 2: Great morning!
JP Morgan: What’s the news? Where are we at with our investments?
Jr. 1: Up a quarter percent.
Jr. 2: Up a quarter percent, indeed. And how!
JP Morgan: Cut the shit.
Jr. 1: ???
Jr. 2: What shit?
JP Morgan: Lads, it seems as though things are getting stagnant. We don’t want stagnation, we want growth.
Jr. 1: But we are growing. Albeit slowly I’ll admit.
Jr. 2: I still don’t know what shit you’re referring to?
JP Morgan: If you have to ask how much something costs Jr. 2, you can’t afford it. And unfortunately for you, I can’t afford any more of your bullshit. Get out of this room.
Jr. 2: But.
Jr. 1: He pointed his finger towards the door. That means you need to leave.
JP Morgan:A man generally has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one. Your brother is not a man and all of his reasons for doing things are to please himself and belittle my efforts.
Jr. 1: That’s insightful. What are we going to do to grow our business?
JP Morgan: Solid investments. It seems we’ve been making too many weak investments. If there’s one thing I know about high finance, it’s that solid investments mean exponential growth with wonderful returns. I’m talking about…
Jr. 1: Let me write this down. What did you have in mind?
JP Morgan: Off the top of my head, I believe strongly we need to pursue Electricity, the general kind, nothing specific, Coal, Steel, Bridges, Telephones and Telegraphs, Carpets, Copper, Mustache Cream, did I mention Steel, and of course, Railroads.
Jr. 1: Great ideas. We’ll be wealthier than we could have ever imagined. And quickly!
JP Morgan: Make sure we get Jr. 2 a job managing one of the Railroad companies. Hopefully he’ll be killed by one. Ahahahaha!
Jr. 1: Excellent! You can’t make money if you’re dead.
JP Morgan: And how.

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