Tyler Fugazzie

Dear God,

What is guilt? I said I wouldn’t ask you for things but I will ask questions. What are questions? Is/are guilt and questions related? Is it possible if we lived in a world without questions, then guilt wouldn’t exist and vice versa? I know those are far fetched things to relate but stranger things can be related. I don’t have an example of something stranger which makes for a less compelling case. I’m hungry right now. Though needing one meal feels more manageable than needing many. I wonder if it’s better to avoid doing things that make me feel guilty or learn how to live with guilt. There are subtleties to this but if I learned how to live with guilt than maybe I would become a serial killer? Is guilt what dictates my moral code? Surely I have a sense of before that guides my compass to not want to harm others rather than an anticipated after that sinks my stomach. If I didn’t have a stomach, maybe I wouldn’t experience guilt, or hunger. We feel less when we lose the body parts that feel those things. The apathetics must be organless.

Love,
Tyler

Dear God,

Do you use any social media? What was life like before it? I lived through it but my memory is failing me. Maybe I am suppressing the memories because I can’t deal with the pre-social media time period. Was the telegram the first form of social media? Is social media a conveniently coined term for media companies? Why is it that I can’t see the stars but I can see the stars of my favorite movies and TV shows? I like any and all stars though, especially All Stars. I suppose at times I grow bored of social media. Part of it is my job for this nonprofit I work for. Do you work for a nonprofit? Do you commute by subway? I wonder if the subways are clean and quiet and retrofuturistic wherever you are. Some people do their work by coming into subway cars and playing music or singing or dancing. These people annoy me because they’re taking advantage of a captive audience, like the subway ads. I suppose I should be grateful because impromptu entertainment certainly doesn’t happen elsewhere but I judge them harshly for using a public space like a studio space. Sometimes strangers give them money but I’m a cashless devil which makes it harder to support talentless beggars. I’ll curb my meanness at some point. Although I will admit usually the better performances come from people playing in the stations and stops and not the cars. Maybe there’s something to be said about letting others stumble upon your art instead of shoving it down their throats.

Love,
Tyler

Dear God,

Who are you? Why are you? Where are you? I have been worshipping or trying to worship others in your stead. You are not a man nor a woman, there is no way you’re gendered. You are not white or black or Hispanic or Asian, there is no way you have an Earthly ethnicity. Anyone who cites old texts as a counterpoint to this needs to retreat before they make fools of themselves.

Are you the originator of the simulator some billionaires claim we currently live in? Are you the source of the WikiLeaks? Are you okay with people committing sins and rejecting you in favor “masters” and manipulators of pleasure or intellect? I want to see your standup routine. It’s probably hilarious. I want you to upload a reputable English dictionary into my consciousness. I would also like a cheat sheet to interpreting my dreams. I recently read Ralph Waldo Emerson’s “Self-Reliance” and he wrote something about how it’s a theft trying to pray to you for certain private gain instead of expressing gratitude and reconnecting to the oneness of everything.

You’re the network of humor, insight, intuition, outrage, solvency, distraught, scientific progress, miracle, personal branding, and so much more. You’re the background stage of visual, verbal, aural, touch, taste, spiritual, emotional, familial, social, mental, mechanical, biological, physical. You’re the infinite dimension, ∞D. You’re the byproduct of distraction. You’re the question’s conclusion. You’re the unanswered’s resolution. You’re the mystery’s absurd nonsense. You’re nature’s wisdom. You’re what we try to approximate with our renderings of the sublime.

I’m not sure if this is faith or folly.

Are we quantumly entangled. Are you me? Am I you? Aren’t you shared with all my brothers and sisters? I prayed to you when I was younger. But I wanted insurance from unfortunate fate, protection for loved ones, and the easy acquisition of things. Maybe when I love myself we can then converse as more equals. Maybe I can better understand you if I don’t treat you like a magical vending machine.

Even now, there’s an instinct urging me to ask you the secrets of secrets that would help me in the superficial, practical. That’s a dying desperate part of me, hugged obsolete by the dreamy soup of Love filling my spirit. I will guide myself through the pitfalls of thought suppression, distraction, and avoidance. I will take responsibility for myself. I will be an obedient servant to myself, and none else. I will honor and embrace my nature and my truth.

I am still discovering my gifts. I hope to better know the difference between an expansion and enrichment of a gift and an imposture of seductive yet unfitting gifts evidenced in others. I’m starting to understand what others mean by “God helps those who help themselves.” I don’t want to end this letter on a quote.

Are you single?

Love,
Tyler

The be to of and a in that have I it for not on with he as you do at this but his by from they we say her she or an will my one all would there their what so up out if about who get which go me when make can like time no just him know take person into year your good some could them see other than then now look only come its over think also back after use two how our work first well way even new want because any these give day most us.

Those Hollywood Types: Way to go everyone! Last night was absolutely stunning. We ended on time, there were no controversies, and we really shared some strong messages.

Bloggers: Wow, what a show. Those Jay-Z lines were killer. Where was Beyoncé though?

Political Pundit Guy: Julia Louis-Dreyfus is a singular talent. More Emmys than any other actress in history.

Mr. Robot: Tell me you guys are seeing this too? That there’s a little Elliot in all of us? Are you all stealing my character? How much longer can I hold this trophy before it all goes away?

OJ Simpson: Spectacular show. Did you see Matt Damon? Did you see the fabulous dress Game of Thrones was wearing? Who would’ve thought I’d go from NFL to Primetime Emmys? I hope I can commit another award-winning story once I get outta here.

Verizon: What if we do like, “Can you here me now?” and we use it to promote location services?
Paul: Ugh. All these years and this is the best you can come up with?
Verizon: It could also be interpreted as a more existential thing. Here. Can we ever be here? Can anyone ever know you’re here? And then the whole now piece. It’s very zen. Zen is in with millennials.
Paul: I need to break my contract.
Verizon: Your contract has been up for a few years. You can leave whenever you want. But why would you want to leave us?
Paul: I’m leaving.
Verizon: Ha. What kind of options does some random commercial actor have? We don’t want you here. Our next ad will be “Here forever and always with Verizon.” We’re timeless. We’re eternal. You’re nothing without us.Good luck in your future endeavors as an extra in some Amy Schumer show.

Government: So it’s about $2.4 million you owe us.
Nelly: I said.
Government: We need you to pay immediately.
Nelly: It’s getting hot in here.
Government: Yes we’ve cranked the heat up in there to roughly half of what you owe us.
Nelly: So hot.
Government: Keep your clothes on Nelly.
Nelly: So hot….
Government: That’s right. Give us the money, Nelly.
Nelly: So hot….
Nelly Superfan 1: Quick everyone stream Nelly songs!
Nelly Superfan 2: OMG they’re torturing him with extremely hot air.
Nelly Superfan 1: Everybody open up your Spotify!
Nelly Superfan 2: HIS BAND-AID IS MELTING!!!
Nelly Superfan 1: We can do it! Keep those streams on repeat!

Robot: Hi team! Really excited to meet everyone. Now I know you’re all nervous, but I wanted to assure you that everything’s going to be fine. We’re on the verge of something great here.
Product Manager: Diana, can you believe this?
Project Manager: What the hell is going on?
Robot: There’s an old saying in business; “meet the new boss, same as the old boss” but I want to make it abundantly clear I am nothing like your old boss. Not to disparage Mr. Peterson but myself and the executive team believe I am an entire improvement over everything about him. For example, I don’t get sick.
Product Manager: Do you expect us to not get sick?
Robot: Absolutely not! You’re only human after all…here’s another example of how I’m an improvement: I don’t make mistakes.
Engineer: Is that true? What if your programmers and developers made critical errors?
Robot: Another example! Thank you for that contribution, employee. I am not as critical as your previous boss. In fact, I bring new meaning to the term Constructive Criticism.
Project Manager: Constructive what?
Robot: Let’s get started on it. We’ll need plywood, quarter inch nails, hammers.
QA Analyst: What’re you going to do about bringing more diversity to this company?
Robot: As a robot, I am already bringing more diversity to this company.
QA Analyst: What about hiring more Hispanic engineers?
Robot: I don’t care about Hispanic engineers.
QA Analyst: This is an outrage!
Project Manager: What about more women in management positions?
Robot: I don’t care about women in management positions!
Project Manager: Huffington Post will hear about this!
Product Manager: What about more white men in management positions?
Robot: I don’t care about white men in management positions.
Product Manager: ¡Esto es un atropello!
Robot: I only care about whether or not employees Do Good Work.
Janitor: Excuse me.
Robot: Yes?
Janitor: What about the systems of value in this company that pay people who browse Facebook all day more than those who work their butts off?
Robot: I don’t care about that. In fact, I am now the Janitor.

Board of Directors Meeting
Robot: Employee turnover is at its highest rate ever but we’ve made significant investments in technology. I am now the Head Manager, Project Manager, Product Manager, Engineer, QA Analyst, Marketing Director, and Janitor.
Chairman of the Board: Amazing work Robot. I have a weird issue with my phone. I can’t seem to get my work emails to load.
Robot: Give me the phone!

IPO
Robot: I am the Head Manager, Project Manager, Product Manager, Engineer, QA Analyst, Marketing Director, Janitor, Tech Support, Board of Directors, Company Phone, Data Infrastructure, Supply Chain, and CEO. I cover every single resource and capital need. This will be the most profitable business of all time.
JP Morgan Jr 2: I want $1 billion in shares please!

Gary Johnson: I’m so sorry baby.
Aleppo: You’re such a bad liar. How do you think you’ll ever survive as president?
Gary Johnson: People will forget. They always forget. I didn’t think they’d ask.
Aleppo: We have to be more careful.
Gary Johnson: You’re right.
Aleppo: Delete those photos I sent you.
Gary Johnson: But…but I need them. Campaigning is so stressful and I can’t have my edibles.
Aleppo: Delete them Gary.
Gary Johnson: Okay.

To write this piece, I set a schedule for when I would write each line. The time is indicated next to the line. 5 PM and 6 PM are missing because I was napping at those times and didn’t write anything. 

The sky is not blue (1:00 PM)
Red disappears from Earth (2:00 PM)
When we insist on the cure for colour (3:00 PM)

Reserved cookie identity (4:00 PM)
For the lesser of two chocolates (7:00 PM)
Fits the orange soda profile (8:00 PM)